have you ever felt as though you were disappearing?
…and not in a super hero kind of way, but in a way that makes you feel as though you are playing in the background of your own life and not front and center where you belong?
‘first the pain then the rising’
is what glennon doyle (author of love warrior) often says. (side note: I LOVE everything about this women).
pain is part of life. we all experience it. we’re all in it together (even though sometimes it doesn’t feel this way). truly. or as my daughter likes to say ‘for real life‘.
there are so many clever ways we have mastered to avoid feeling this pain(anything really that keeps us distracted) because lets face it, it sucks to feel like crap. except in the long run this avoidance brings with it a shit storm.
family dynamics are fascinating. how my parents were parented obviously influenced the way they parented me which of course gave me a certain perspective on life.
it’s easy to inherit unresolved pain that has been passed down through generations of family members and never dealt with. it’s easy to continue a cycle of dysfunction especially when you are unaware of it and how deep it runs. it’s really, really, really hard to sit and face this pain
move through it
and break this cycle.
it is our most important work.
there is something powerful when people hold space for us to move through these intense and agonizing growing pains. there is something powerful in holding space for others and to remind yourself you are NOT alone in your pain. I believe many of us have a deep longing to live an authentic life
to be seen
first the pain
sometimes the pain is just too big and too scary to be contained in a little body (especially when we are young) that we find creative ways to manipulate and silence it. when i was younger
i swallowed my pain with drugs and alcohol.
i spewed hurtful things to people to cover my vulnerability.
i smiled a lot in public to cover how depressed i was feeling.
then the rising
my kids have this funny way of showing me that i still have work to do on myself. it comes out in my tone or my impatience or the feelings i carry to bed. i mean seriously, it’s always a work in progress.
I DO NOT want to pass down what i inherited (and what my mother and father inherited, and what their mother and father inherited and so on and so on. its nobody’s fault but this is how healing begins. it starts with an acknowledgment. i see you.
the world is a painful place but we have an insurmountable capacity to overcome and transform this pain (as long as we don’t avoid it) into something truly incredible. that’s how powerful our pain can be. and that’s how powerful we can be TOGETHER.
…and we can’t do it alone. we need our tribe. they’re out there.
don’t give up.
you are changing your future and if you have children, theirs too.